I Would Sacrifice My Happiness For You

Friends, Family, Significant Others (boyfriend, girlfriend, spouse), children, etc.  We all want what’s best for those we care about and we may give a lot, give up a lot or compromise for them even if it means “giving up” our own happiness, because making them happy always makes us happy… right?

Before I get into what I have sacrificed in the name of life and love, and what I am possibly about to do, let’s go through some of the sacrifices that exist:

“Parent/Children Happiness”

Many parents/guardians sacrificed a lot to raise us.  Some give up their job to take care of us, some take on multiple jobs to feed us. Some remind their children, “Look what I have done for you,” because they have done a lot for them, so the children owe at least appreciation, which is reasonable, but some children, I have witnessed growing up, may “owe” their life, figuratively. Parents may want “what’s best for their children,” practically making all the decisions, mapping out their children’s future, school, profession, regardless if their child wants to choose that path or not.

Not to stereotype, but as an Asian, I do see this as the norm in some Asian communities, and ABC’s What Would You Do? pointed that out. They talked about a “Tiger Mom,” who was so strict, A- instead of an A means failure.  I did know people who felt like A- was a failure and had majored to get into a career to make their parents happy, though the chosen path was not really what they wanted.  Both parent/guardian and children done a lot sacrificing their own happiness to make each other happy.

“In the Name of Love”

Some of us can better relate that we’ve sacrificed a lot in the name of love.  Whether the relationship, some have supported their significant others financially, or professionally, their career for various reasons.  This is not necessarily a bad thing, it just sometimes occurs that one or both decide to move due to job for example, to be remain together and for one or both to start their lives together.  One may support the other financially because of a recent job loss, children, or pursuing a dream.  Some extreme cases, maybe more rare or not, one may give up everything to take care of the other due to injury or illness.

Whether any of those sacrifices was a good thing or bad idea, that depends on the situation, your experiences, and whether it was a healthy choice or not.

“My Sacrifice”

Some of the biggest mistakes in my life were some of the things I did that sacrificed my own happiness.  Not that all the choices that I have made to do so, was a “bad” idea, but some may have been “mistakes” that maybe I need to stop doing. Maybe my choices has sacrificed who I was, what I could have accomplished, who I could have been, what I could have had.

Growing up, I was “recommended” what I shouldn’t/cannot be, which were some of the things I dreamed about being. In other words, there was no way I was allowed to go to school for xyz, but I guess that made sense, I need to aim for something that would have a better chance in supporting myself financially. Looking at the successful & rich people around me, there were things “recommended” to me that should absolutely go for, which didn’t even make it to the list of many things I wanted to be when I grew up, but I strived for it anyways. I realized it was not for me, gave it all up, and in “the end” I did what I wanted.

Looking back, I had struggled in and out of trying to make myself happy and others happy at the same time, managing other people’s desires, debating myself if I should bend the rules and just do what I want.  I sacrificed a lot, which sacrificed a lot of time that I could never take back, and most of all sacrificed my own happiness. There was one point where there were way too many people, friends telling me what they wanted/expected from me, I felt so trapped, I ended up isolating myself from them for a time period.

I won’t get into the nitty gritty details, but if you knew me back then and became a significant part of my life, chances are, I would have sacrificed my happiness for you.  Looking at myself now, I had realized so many missed opportunity that passed that I possibly will never get again.  I thought I was being selfish if I did not do what others wanted, but I am my own person and realize others do need to think about what I want and I am willing compromise as long as they are too. I know now that there are some things in life that are not negotiable.

     “Giving Up Love”

So a lot of people always wonder about my “love life”, and why I rarely to never talk about it.  I’ll tell you one thing, I do have a “bad” habit since I was a kid of “giving up love.”  What I mean is, if there is a potential someone, even if I’m interested in them, and my friend is interested in them, (which seems to be frequently the case) or vice versa.. even if this someone might be interested in me, or that I may have a “chance” I would “alter the future”, and introduce my friend and him, set the mood for them, or encourage them to get to know each other.  Typically they end up getting to know each other, and I stay as distant as I can to not interfere, either because I don’t want to be caught in the middle of a love triangle or if distrust or jealousy evolves.

People would probably wonder what the heck I’m doing and tell me to just go for it, who cares and it’s not my problem if I accidentally fell for someone mutually that a friend happened to like, or maybe most people would go for it.  It also has nothing to do with any commitment issues, it is more about making my friends happy. So many of them are always looking for love and its happiness. I agonize any loneliness anyone sometimes feel.  Even if I could have came across “the one”, or my friend knew how I felt about someone, I value my friendships so much that would sacrifice that in hopes that they will be happy. I also never want to risk jeopardizing it by accidentally dating someone that a friend might be interested in.

Rarely but on occasion, there were situations that were REALLY awkward, no matter how hard I tried to avoid.  It was I think my 1st official set up between two friends were interested in meeting each other. As soon as I introduced them, it was disaster. 1 told me he was not attracted to her, and my female friend was so mad at me convinced that the guy liked me instead.

A different situation was more so ironic. I invited a friend to some events with some guys who I became friends with. I admit it did cross my mind initially meeting these guys to get to know them, and there’s always possibilities, but I didn’t bother exploring it further because I was more concerned about her happiness and finding her a potential boyfriend for her.  I made every possible way to put her together with some of these guys and it worked because she ended up dating a few of them over a time period.  The awkward part was that she kept indirectly hinting for me to keep distant, which I did so they could be alone.  Then later eventually attempted to severe my friendships with my friends for unrelated reasons, which I did not fully understand.

If I could turn back time, I might have done this again because I would not be able to bear the guilt of “taking away” their chances of love, even though I’m really not stealing.  I know it might not make sense to some people.  I see how much some friends want to find love, how some admit to envying couples, and I guess I never want to be envied.  Typically a single person isn’t envied unless they’re receiving a lot more attention when going out, but that’s a different story.  Anyways, I never want to accidentally cross anyone’s territory.  Don’t get me wrong, a part of me wants to take a chance too, I just put other people as priority over me.

So I guess what I’m saying is that I think I am running into a similar situation except I feel more is at stake because I think it will change the future significantly, if you want to call people’s “destiny’s”, including mine, and something significant that possibly could be, may come to an end.  Also if I decide to continue on this path, I will have to “end” a friendship by keeping distance. Then if things don’t work out, I might have to take the heat for it like I did with my other friend, I don’t know.  Something tells me DON’T DO IT, THIS WILL BE A BIG MISTAKE. But what if it’s not?  I would be happy that I made a difference in two people’s lives and I would also be so relieved in so many levels.

Share and Enjoy:
  • TwitThis
  • Facebook
  • Digg
  • Sphinn
  • del.icio.us
  • Google
  • De.lirio.us
  • MySpace
  • StumbleUpon
  • Tumblr
Tags: , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *