Maybe it’s pride when I refuse a drink, dinner, and materials from a stranger interested, or perhaps it’s called being independent. People have offered me all sorts of things in exchange for a date, company, and other unbelievable unmentionables. Even though you may think I should flattered, often times, I feel slight offense when I feel one is trying to buy me– My love is not for sale.

Yes it is a nice gesture to offer a stranger a drink when appropriate and I understand it’s an indirect indication that one is interest in another, in the process of courting, however some of us, including me, may feel really bad or rude to decline an offer, but if I accept an offer, I feel obligated owe them something in return, either a conversation that can turn awkward, a number, or a date. Regardless, 99% of the time, I decline, and feel better knowing that I don’t owe anything.

But sometimes people refuse to take no for an answer, and that’s when things get extreme and sometimes scary. I am really nice and polite when I say no but I have been threatened, assaulted, verbally and physically, no matter how nice I was.

Sometimes it turns into begging me, offering something else, or something additional, in hopes that the “no” will turn into a “yes.” Unless the person of interest suggests an alternative, chances are if they’re not interested, they will refuse alternative offers, and anything additional.

One time an acquaintance offered to go out for dinner. I was young (under 21) and this person was much older. I kindly refused. So he offered movies instead, letting it be known that he’ll pay for everything. I kindly refused.  Then he offered to double date, allowing me to bring another couple, and that he’ll pay for me and the other couple. I still kindly refused. It got really uncomfortable and I tried to get out of the situation. He kept insisting that as long as I go with him, he would take care of me, the check and everything. I still kindly refused.

Finally I got out of the situation– I felt bad, but felt a bit appalled that this guy was in a way trying to buy me. He wasn’t the first person who made it be known that they have money, and they could “take care” of me. It honestly made me feel a little ethically violated, to hope that I would be sold.

I had a choice to take advantage, but I didn’t. A friend humorously said “Never refuse a free drink or free food.” It’s not in my nature and it’s not worth it for me. I am an independent person who rather pay things myself, out of respect for others and myself– not that if one accepts a kind gester is.. It depends on the situation.  I also don’t feel like I’m bought or sold. I often wonder why these people are essentially offering to be taken advantage of, and I realized overtime– if it’s not lust, it’s loneliness or both that drives a lot of people. People really want some company and willing to do it at a price out of their pocket, not caring if the person of interest would really love them back, or love their money. I can’t say if it’s worth it for both parties, for some it is, for others it wasn’t worth the cost or heartbreak. I’d say the risk is high. What happens when the one paying for everything runs out of money? Chances are, if someone was just in it for the money, they are going to go elsewhere for that.

But believe me– one doesn’t have to flaunt one’s money, or even offer someone a drink, dinner, or anything, other than a hello and a conversation. I’ve made great conversations with strangers who approached me with something pleasant to say. It may be a compliment or an appropriate subject. I don’t feel pressured to accept a drink or dinner off the bat, I feel respect for them and I feel that I am being respected.

Unless offering things is your thing and that you don’t care if you attract those who would accept, Next time you decide to talk to someone of interest–talk to them. Note that the other person may be thinking the same, not wanting them to offer goods in exchange for them..they may be thinking “My love is not for sale.“