No one wants to be rejected, but many run into situations where they feel rejected, and unfortunately go on in life believing that they are a “reject.”  Challenges in life, asking someone out on a date, job interviews, family approval, career, applying for loans, etc, and the most notorious– Facebook friend requests.  Being turned down in one of many portals can be enough to make one feel rejected.

I have a confession; there were plenty of times I experienced rejection or felt rejected.  I know that it’s not healthy for anyone to believe that they are a “reject.”  I think it is human nature to want to feel accepted, but definitely not healthy to consume ourselves or conform to (unhealthy) societial rules to feel accepted.. in other words, we shouldn’t sacrifice ourselves. I would guess that everyone has at least experienced similar feelings of rejection at least a few times in their lives situations such as the following below, and at least once done a few things for others to avoid “rejection.”

Job Interviews

Job interviews are always the tough. A lot of time is spent researching for “the perfect job,” whether its a new job post graduation, after leaving one, or after losing one. We do everything we can to try to get a job offer by tightening up our resume, writing a cover letter per application, put away our casuals, iron our best formal wear, shave– basically do everything to look our best. After all that effort and interviews from each place, having either no response or no offer is rather devastating.  Then after some more interviews, one after another, we may start to feel discouraged and hopeless. I know it all too well. gone through all 3 job situations and during the major economic crises it took over 2 years before I received a full time job offer, only to lose that job 4 months later due to sudden changes with company’s business plans.  I tried keeping positive and though I was fortunate to score gigs in between, I felt lost, like many, unwanted and often questioned my skills, myself, and my career.  


Many of us want to make our families proud especially our parents or guardians. We try to do well in school, choose an admirable career and make something of ourselves, often choosing a path that everyone else wants, instead of our own.  We want their support and approval but every decision we make on lifestyle, career, marriage, etc may not always be approved by family.  That’s normal.  We can’t always make everyone happy and lately hearing stories from people coming from many different backgrounds, this also applies to in-laws.  No one wants to be “rejected” by their significant others family, but I often hear such stories of “rejection.” Things that imply “You’re not good enough for my son [or daughter],” not doing enough no matter what one does. Romeo & Juliet, Marie and Tony (from West Side Story) are examples of these; though fictional characters in a tragic story, analyzing it, it relates to real life conflicts.


We generally want our friends to like us and accept us, but sometimes there are a kazillion situations where one is or may feel rejected.  Worse case scenario is power struggle or “jealousy,” something I discussed in another entry, that I see in some group dynamics. One seems to “have it all” or one get this amount of attention.  Trivial things like this that somewhat haunted me myself.  I’ve been in situations in the past and even recently, where friends have “rejected” me for various things like, ironically, possibly for being accepted by too many people. They question why so people even like me?  So sometimes they make up things about me to mutual friends to put me down.  I usually don’t know it until later, but essentially that is a rejection of me and my friendship. Putting me down so that others would reject me is devastating.  Though I’ve lost many friends this way, I doubted myself many times, but I really certainly shouldn’t feel like a reject. It’s very easy to feel this way,  but I need to remember that I do have wonderful friends that express how much they accept and value my friendship.


I think this is probably the most heard of in terms of “rejection.”  Having a little crush on someone, being on dates or being in a relationship.  We want to be wanted and not rejected.  When we ask someone else out, we hope that they’ll say yes.  When we secretly crush on someone and don’t say anything, we may do little things to indirectly say “I like you” and quietly measure their reaction as reciprocating or not. When we love someone, we want them to love us back forever.  But sometimes we don’t get the response that we had hope, or there is confusion on how the other feels. Then one may feel completely devastated and hopeless.  

I feel a lot of sadness for those who believe that love is hopeless for them and that every person that they like will reject them (that no one wants them).  I’ve heard it many times and it’s a human to be hard on yourself sometimes, but giving up on hope and believing such things is equivalent to rejecting oneself and sometimes essentially rejecting others.  When you reject yourself, it’s hard to expect that someone else accept you and it has nothing to do with who you are as a person with x characteristics and personality. It’s the fact that they may have a hard time accepting your self rejection and sometimes, indirect rejection of others.

For example, when one is interested in someone (or have a crush on), and is somewhat intimidated by that someone’s presence, one might say “Oh this person is too good for me,” “Oh I’m out of their league,” or “Why would a person like that, like a person like me?”  Not only is that self rejection, but a rejection to the other person, and not only does that hurt oneself, it can hurt the other person, because chances are, they don’t want to be categorized/labeled/judged either.

Other Life Stuff

There are other challenges in life, like getting accepted for loans, scholarships, programs, school, etc that involve financial, career, etc, more like societal acceptance.  For many, having a good record, education, job instantly makes us feel accepted and not having a good record can make one feel the opposite. This all may tie in with everything above, not wanting to feel “rejected” by family, friends, love etc and and some of us do crazy things for fear of rejection.

I actually watched an episode of 20/20 the other day about this guy who grew up thinking in order to “get the girl” he had to live life like the millionaire in the old movie, “Pretty Woman.”  I don’t think I’ve ever seen the whole movie (which should be my next assignment).  Basically the real life guy in 20/20 started playing stocks at about 13 and made a million by the time he was in high school and a multimillionaire by the end of high school if I recall. Then he spent millions on his girlfriends to keep them happy.  When he lost everything due to debt and legal troubles from trying to keep up, he realized in the end that it was not worth it.

Anyways, moral of the story is, life is full of challenges, life, love, family, society; chances are you can’t make everyone on planet earth happy, but that is ok and it is no reason to reject yourself.  I admit I’m being a hypocrite because I can’t say that I never feel that way, but I’m being a hypocrite for your own good. 😉

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