Trying Too Hard To Impress.. Crush

In extension of last post, Trying Too Hard To Impress which focused more on people/academics, etc, there’s also a concern on trying too hard to impress a crush. I have witnessed it too many times and experienced it myself too many times.  Here’s a few more stories and reasons why you should be yourself and try not to impress your crush or love interest.

Everyone wants to impress someone, whether it’s a job, a crush, parents, etc. That is a normal part of life. But trying too hard sometimes makes us seem not genuine and makes us vulnerable in relationship situations.

A few months ago, there was a girl (lady.. let’s nickname her Jane Doe) who went over and beyond to impress my guy friend, (let’s call him Jon Doe).  Jane was totally head over heels with Jon like crazy in love and pretty much treated him like a boyfriend for months even though Jon didn’t feel the same way.  Jane would lavish him with generous gifts and invite him to date-like events, and Jon was too nice to turn them down for fear of hurting her feelings.  Whenever,  Jon and his friends tried making conversation, she would agree with everything, liked everything we did, and always had a story on how she experienced the same exact thing too.  When Jon or others asked her questions about her experiences to further elaborate, she’d say something puzzling, so she came off as not knowing exactly what it was we were talking about.  It got to the point where it sounded like she was going along with everything to impress Jon and his friends.  It didn’t seem genuine.

On top of that, if there was another female friend around that seemed like a “threat,” she would go out of the way to interrogate Jon’s relationship with her, even by pulling Jon’s good friends aside right then and there, (while the suspicious female was hanging out too).  It was just very awkward and made others feel uncomfortable.  Whether she realized it or not it also made people feel really bad, especially the suspected female friend.  No one wanted to be in caught in this situation, no one wants to be seen as a “threat,” and no one wants to be talked about especially the 1st day meeting her.  They all just wanted to hang out, care-free with Jon.

The morale of this story is, if she acted more like herself, had some opinions of her own, (even if she disagreed), she’d sound more real, and more likely win Jon and John’s friends over.  If she wanted to know something about Jon’s female friend(s), she could’ve asked them directly.  She was trying too hard to impress, trying to avoid being rude, but instead came off as rude, hurt others in the process, and especially hurt herself.  Being open with oneself and others is important to be liked.  Trust yourself, and it will give others reason to trust you.

There were plenty of other situations I have experienced, including guys who have tried too hard to impress me and it backfired.

I’m sure you can relate to meeting someone or being the person who appears to be “perfect.” This guy always had the right thing to say and never spoke of any of his flaws, mistakes or past regrets.  I didn’t want to pry but asked all sorts of questions in order to see if he could relate to me, but everything that I talked about, he didn’t have much of a story to tell about much or anything.  After awhile I felt a lack of trust towards him and lack of trust that he had for me for not being as open or to me; I noticed that when I touched on certain sensitive subjects (like past relationships), he would change the subject, though he’d ask about mine.  I was pretty open and couldn’t understand why he couldn’t be too.

I know for some people it doesn’t matter what their significant others did in past relationships, but the past is what makes a person the way they are today, and can relate what the future would be like.. and I think it is very important to mention the past… like growth,  accomplishments, or lesson learned.  It’s what makes us human.  It’s sort of like you wouldn’t want to be adopted into a family without knowing more about them, or getting into a job without knowing its history, employees you’ll be working with in x amount of time (sort of like getting into a family too).

Eventually I found out a few things about this guy that seemed shocking and it wasn’t through him.  Because of that, I felt a betrayed, hurt, and foolish.  I was mad at myself for not listening to my instincts.  Also because I wasn’t told it directly, the situation seemed far worse than it actually was. It will probably be more difficult for the other person to understand that the part that hurt more than what had occurred was not being told in the first place, and because of that, I lost trust in him.  He felt so much shame that he thought I was more upset with the situation.  But I feared more so that he would hide other things because he always wanted to impress me and never wanted me to be disappointed in him.

In the end, he realized that if he wanted me to trust him, he would have to trust that I would be ok with him mentioning his flaws and mistakes.   No one’s perfect and trust is a two way street.

Trying hard not to impress is easier said than done, but if you want to have a healthy, happy, real relationship, be open and be yourself.  If you want someone to honestly like you for you and not someone you pretend to be or a different person he’d/she’d like, then be yourself.  If you don’t really care (which some people really don’t), as long as they like you, then that’s also an issue of being honest with yourself.  In the long run, there’s only so long you can go with the “acting” before you may be faced with the feeling of emptiness or incomplete.

So relax, try to keep cool and be yourself and see what happens. You may find you’ll meet interesting people who actually dig who you are.

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