Trying Too Hard to Impress

Everyone wants to impress someone, whether it’s a job, a crush, parents, etc. That is a normal part of life. But trying too hard sometimes makes us seem not genuine and makes us vulnerable in relationship situations. So in honor of Valentine’s Day, the holiday of love, I will tell you why you should be yourself and stop trying so hard to impress your crush or love interest.

Once upon a time, I thought boys had cooties. Then I grew up and realized they didn’t. I was known as the ugly kid and the weird “slanted eyed” Asian. I was “ugly” to even to some of the Asian kids. I was super skinny, underweight and “scrawny.” No one wants to be called ugly, and no one waned to date the “ugly kid.” I didn’t care as a child at first, what people called me because my Mom told me I was beautiful. It wasn’t until I hit my preteen years did I start questioning my looks and comparing myself to other girls my age.

Note that this is not a pity story, this is just one of life’s lessons.

I became aware as a teen that I was the girl that people didn’t want to date or at least that’s what it seemed. I was the “loser” who was picked on, and later on in life overcame that sometime my high school years, not caring as much what people said. However, I admit I was left with plenty of insecurities and at one point in my life may have tried too hard to impress people, and maybe at least 1 guy I was possibly interested in.

It was easy to impress my teachers with academics and helping people was in my nature. One time I was trying to help this guy at an organization, who didn’t really need my help. I sent him an email giving him suggestions (that he never asked for) on how to get more members involved. Long story short I had no experience with the organization, and wasn’t familiar of their the members’ personality and environment. I came off as telling him what to say and how to behave in certain situations and totally didn’t mean to come off the wrong way if I did. He was still polite and nice in response, and clarified his way of things and I was pretty much embarrassed for saying anything in the first place because maybe I sounded like a miss-know-it-all. It’s cool to demonstrate that you know something but try not to overdo it especially if they didn’t ask. Sometimes people feel you’re trying to educate them, being a teacher to them or maybe that you’re assuming that they don’t know much.

I actually don’t recall trying too hard to impress guys was because I was actually spending more time trying to impress and make other people happy and then made myself unhappy. But that’s another story.

However, I did know a lot of people in my lifetime and witness even to this day people trying too hard to impress people they like. There are those who may completely change their personality, appearance and style to impress their interest, those who go along with everything their interest says, even if they disagree, those who try too hard to connect with that person, and so forth. It is rather really sad and somewhat tragic when people are already good people as themselves, but choose to be someone else for somebody else. When you try too hard, sometimes the person you like and even their friends really notice it and they don’t feel that you’re being genuine. It’s hard to score brownie points of approval that way. But if you get away with not being yourself, the person you like won’t know that he/she is with a person basically “living a lie,” until maybe later you may feel comfortable to be yourself, which may be different from what your significant other vested in. Your significant other may then questions how genuine you are for not being genuine in the first place and trust may broken. However, for people who choose to continue “living a lie” forever may become feeling somewhat disconnected and lonely from not being themselves. It all comes down to, Do you want someone to like you for you or like you for being someone else?

Even I experience myself first hand guys trying too hard too impress me instead of being themselves. I totally understand that people want to be accepted, but when I find out later that they weren’t exactly being themselves, I wonder, “Who is this person?” think that I don’t even know this person anymore, and then my trust in them is often broken. I admit because of that, I feel that many aren’t being genuine and I wonder who I can trust. Yes, can break any chances of getting to know someone, because people may be unwilling to risk getting hurt again and opening up to someone that they don’t know they can trust. I know I’ve felt that way before.

I know it’s hard because you want to make the best first impression for someone you like. It’s reasonable to try to be impressive. However, not staying true to yourself can hurt the other person in the end and hurt yourself. They may see right through it and question how genuine you really are. So I would say, if you really want someone to like YOU, try being yourself. If they don’t, at least you walk away not hurting anyone including yourself, and opportunities to getting to connect with someone who is compatible with you.

Good luck in finding that special someone. If you’re single, remember that is not something to be ashamed or sad about. Be proud you made it either way.

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