I initially wrote an article on jealousy in the dojo from a martial arts stand point. But here I rewrite it from a general perspective… Jealousy. We’ve all experienced it at one point in our lives. We see it throughout history, the media, and probably in our everyday lives. Something expressed directly or indirectly, or kept inside when we feel it. Some of us deny it but we know deep down sometimes we wish we had what someone else has, whether it’s materialistic, characteristic or ability. The topic of jealousy seems to be unspoken of or rare in discussions whether it’s too upsetting or awkward to speak of or admit.

Sometimes a little jealousy is a good thing; it makes us work harder to achieve our goals and be the best we could be, but when it’s a terrible thing, it can consume you, tear others apart and cause resentment amongst each other. There are many different reasons and different situations in our lives to why some of us feel jealousy towards others.

The All Star

There’s at least one of these in our lives, whether it’s a co-worker or sibling. The one who “does it all,” play sports, play instruments, win competitions, manage work, life, and family, or is soooo good at what they do, that everything just seems to come to them so naturally. Some us may feel jealousy towards this person because that is essentially what we would like to achieve.. to be the one who can excel without limits.

The Favorite

Every once in awhile you may run into “the favorite,” and I have to admit, that back then, I was a little jealous of “the favorite.” I think I felt that way because at one point I was “the favorite” until someone else came along. My invitations were rejected plenty of times while seconds later, “the favorite” would ask the same thing and they’d all say yes. But now I think back and laugh about it because I was young and the feeling of jealousy is trivial to me today. Yes, I was hurt, that’s human, but I shouldn’t have felt jealous.

Anyways, at work, school or at home, the teachers, bosses, or parents try to treat everyone equally, but sometimes you feel that there’s “the favorite” that everyone can’t help but talk about. At work, it could be an experienced person who’s established themselves for many years, or they could be that new comer that advances so fast that people can’t help but admire or treat differently. At school, it could be the straight-a honor student who raises their hands all the time, or at home, it could be a sibling who never gets in trouble.

Whether or not “the favorite” knows they are the favorite, is humble, or may take it in and rub it all over, the “bad” jealousy may still emerge due to their popularity. If “the favorite” does decide to purposely rub it in, it can get nasty. Then those who dislike instead of admire start to feel resentful and/or work harder to beat the “competition.” At this point, the it can become a very competitive environment, and we may lose meaning of why do what we enjoy in the first place.


Chances are, if you hang around enough with a core group of people (e.g. organization), you may hear rumors or find yourself involved in some sort of love drama that could start a new generation of reality series. One dates one, or leaves one for another, date someone else’s ex, the ex may have dated pretty much everyone, or whatever it may be.. the whole works. When you spend hours and hours per week with your peers, nature occurs and sparks can fly all over the place. The love interest may be from within the same department or group, mutual friends may talk amongst each other, and rumors could spread like melted butter. If a love triangle, love square, love pentagon, or love polygons, emerges, within that, there is usually at least one green eyed monster.

Whatever the situation is, I personally don’t believe there is a reason one should be the resentful green eyed monster. Not trying to go Dr. Phil on you, but I think we have to accept the fact that there is always going to be someone “better” than us and our journey never ends. In regards to love and friendship, if there is someone that other people like “more” than you then perhaps everyone is missing out. Life is short. Ideally, a peaceful world is about respecting each other, not causing violence, etc.. But once you let the green eyed monster take over and start raging on others or giving others a “bad name” you put yourself in a dramatic situation, break that peace, spend most of your energy on that and forget the meaning of life or how to live the way you want.

Once we get past that, we can learn to improve ourselves for ourselves, pay closer attention to ourselves and be happy with our pace of accomplishments. It’s not a race to see who can excel faster than the other. Even though there are competition in life (e.g. business, sport, etc), if we’re always jumping to be better than the other person, we could be missing out on the details.

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